Dear Santa,

Hello, it's that time of year again, where all good little girls and boys write to you with their Christmas wishes. I've been very good this year. Well, let's put it this way, I don't think there were any witnesses and no charges have been pressed, as of yet. I do have a passport now, however, and I am compiling a list of countries without extradition treaties with the US in case I have to make a run for it. Either way, as far as you're concerned, I think I fit your criteria for "good little girl," although I am not "little" in ANY sense of the word. Where was I?

Looking back at all my Christmas wishes over the years... BTW, thank you for the new fuzzy bunny slippers last year, the old ones were getting rather holey... But bunny slippers aside, I'm thinking that my priorities may have been slightly askew for some of the last 40 years, and hope to rectify those mistakes this year. Therefore, in no particular order, what follows is my Christmas list for 2008.

1) Better Eyesight - I know, it's not like I'm blind or anything. And thank God for the vision I DO have, but I'd like to be able to NOT have to fumble for the glasses each morning and I'd like to NOT have to remove the contacts each night. Ok, every other night. Don't get me wrong, I'm adorable in my current glasses - after years of Coke-bottle thick lenses, technology at least has given me that much. But just think how pretty my peepers would be without the vague "hey wait while my eyes focus on you or whatever you're holding" expression that shows up frequently. So, some Lasik surgery would be appreciated. Or some hunky eye surgeon who falls for me and offers to fix my eyesight and marry me all in one romantic swoop! :)

B) Minions/Henchmen - The villains on the old Batman TV show always had henchmen. The bad guys in James Bond movies always have henchmen following their evil whims and machinations. I want someone to do stuff for me. It doesn't have to be evil stuff - after all, I try to use my powers for good and not evil. (See first paragraph re: my "good girl" status.) But like the villains, there are things that need done and I just don't want to get my hands dirty. Like the laundry. Or mailing my latest Netflix movie back, so I can get the next one on my queue. And if said minion is hunky and falls for me and offers to keep me in the style to which I could easily become accustomed, mores the better!

Thirdly, Retirement - I told Steve (boss #1) a couple of years ago that my professional goal was to retire by the age of 42... 42 being my favorite number. I told him this with the thought that he, as my boss and a partner in the firm, could assist me in my goal by giving me whopping raises each year. Well, Steve has this insane idea that I'll work with him until HE retires and he's FOUR YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!! So he isn't going out of his way to help my cause. Although I've gotten nice raises, they aren't boosting me toward the million dollar mark that I'd like to be at by now, and what with the economy in the dumper, I need help of a higher nature... I know several people who are retired and they thoroughly enjoy it, so I'm thinking that I could enjoy the heck out of not having to go to work all the time. I mean, I enjoy my job, and wouldn't mind working a few hours a week to keep my hand in, but .. I'm sure you know what I mean. YOU only work one day a year, am I right? Anywho... retirement would me to the next item on my list...

D) Time - specifically, to do what I'd like to do. I have books that I've never read. I have DVD's I haven't watched. I have a pillow and a sock that I really need to finish knitting. One of my memories of my grandmother is the bookshelves that she had filled with books that she never read. Her comment was that she'd read them when she retired. I don't know if she ever did. But if I could retire at 42, and if I had the good vision (see #1), I could start working on those books. One of the good results from the recent writers strike was that I had time to catch up on some of the shows I'd Tivo'd.

Finally, I think I'd like to have someplace to take that passport - Ideally, an English-speaking place, because my year of French in high school and my 2 semesters of Italian in college can't even help me figure out crossword puzzle answers. Although I am pretty good at Italian restaurant menus.

Well, Santa, as I'm not a greedy goober, I'll stop right there. I'll go bake some cookies and put them under the tree for you. I hope you don't mind the occasional cat hair - they are a wee bit unavoidable with Sophie in the house. Just consider it her love offering. She probably wouldn't mind a few less hairballs in the upcoming year. And Gizmo, well, you know Gizmo, he has simple tastes. He's just happy with a never-ending supply of plastic milk rings.
Merry Christmas, lovies, Rose