E.T. Where's the #*@& Phone!?

So, my sister Haley, who is infamous for her rather bizarre gifts to me... exhibit A: the Golden Poop ... got me the Alien Gnome Bandits for Christmas. Actually, I opened it over Thanksgiving, because she wanted to be able to see my face when I opened it. I was easily persuaded to not have to wait until Christmas. I found them charming and learned that their names were Eldon and Tarak, or "E.T." collectively. Unfortunately, due to all the Christmas craziness, the little dudes were pretty much left to entertain themselves. I didn't have time to deal with them over the holidays, so I put them up on the piano until after Christmas.

But then it started happening... things started disappearing and reappearing in different areas of the house. The cats professed innocence.. at least I think that's what they were saying. My skills in speaking feline are still growing. So we set up the ol'nanny cam.

Lo and behold, we were not prepared for what we saw. The pictures that follow are explicit, but for anyone who is contemplating inviting Alien Gnome Bandits into their home, well, you need to be prepared, it's shocking.

This photo was found the morning after I herd (haha) a strange moo'ing sound in the middle of the night. Turns out Moontgomery the cow was being abducted. He later reappeared in the dining room in a bowl of fruit.

E.T. played it cool for a couple of days before nabbing their next victim - a member of our considerable collection of snowmen. From the photo, it doesn't appear that the snowman had an snowball's chance in hell of avoiding the horror in store for him. About a week later, the snowman's hat and scarf were found floating in the cat's water bowl.

From the next photo, it would appear that E.T. had been taking advantage of our three months of free HBO and had found a new hero. The Scream duck disappeared one night and was not seen again until he reappeared floating in the seat of honor in the pink bathroom.

As the days drew closer to Christmas, E.T. must have needed some decorations for their lair. A Christmas tree was absconded with... not yet to reappear. It'll probably show up on the curbside for the first trash day after the New Year.The most threatening photo was the last straw. It would appear that the cats, Sophie, Gizmo and Winifred, had made vain attempts to prevent E.T. from making off with their ill-gotten booty (or ill-booten gotty) because this photo can be interpreted as nothing short of a threat to them to leave the Aliens to their thievery.

It was shortly after this photo was taken that I had to make the hard decision to remove E.T. from our household. After all, Sophie, Gizmo and Winifred don't have opposable thumbs and thus aren't able to defend themselves from this deviltry.

E.T. are now at my office where my co-workers naively call them "cute" and "adorable". But already a strange stapler has appeared on my desk and one co-worker continually roams around the office in a daze always saying the same thing...