When Death is Involved, Somehow My Expectations are Little Higher

My parents and I have gone to our current church for nigh onto 9 years now and we've have been assigned a specific Deacon to whom we should feel comfortable in going in times of need. Now, I feel that a Deacon has a responsibility to the families which are under his care, so to speak. My Dad was a Deacon and he, for example, would visit the people in his families when they were in the hospital, and would go to funerals, whether his people were the bereaved or the deceased. Now, Dad voluntarily had mostly elderly people in his group, so frankly, he and Mom were going to the hospital and/or funerals frequently as you might imagine. I know they also went to the nursing home to visit some of the older ladies who live there. Dad was not perfect and in fact he could be quite a pain in the tookie sometimes, but my observation of his service to his deacon families was that he did a good job, even if sometimes it was as a result of Mom's instigation and nagging. As I said, the entire time we've gone to this church, we have been assigned to one Deacon. I will call him Bob.. no..I think we might have a Bob.. hmm.. how about Bill.. no.. I'm thinking there's a Bill, too. Snuffles! I'll call him Snuffles. Well, the only contact either I or my parents ever have had with Snuffles or his wife, because I feel they come as a package deal, was the obligatory Christmas card that was sent out each year, and one year, I didn't even get that! Dad was in the hospital about 5 years ago, with heart issues, and Snuffles did come to the hospital, but turns out it was because our Pastor at the time had called him and told Snuffles that he, the Pastor, was out of town and Snuffles needed to go to the hospital and be with Dad and Mom until he, the Pastor, could get there. So about November of 2008, Dad started getting sick, started chemo, was in the hospital at least four times in the last 8 months of his life. Snuffles never showed up at the hospital, never called, never said even "Boo!" to any of us in church. Dad passed away and Snuffles came to the funeral, but somehow came and went without say anything to either Mom or me. Let me repeat that. The man CAME TO THE FUNERAL BUT NEVER SPOKE TO EITHER OF US! Since the funeral and for the past 9 months, we have not heard from Snuffles once. We did get the obligatory Christmas card – I threw mine directly in the trash. Now honestly, after almost 9 years, we've learned not to expect much from Snuffles. But, I just feel that despite our incredibly low expectations, when death is involved, you get over whatever it is that prevents you from doing your job and DO YOUR JOB! I mean, I didn't want the man to come over to the house and hold my hand for the entire week – he would have been in the way of my friends and family, the people I WANTED to be there. But a visit, or even a freakin' telephone call to MOM might have been nice. Hell! A sympathy card might have been nice! I got sympathy cards from people who I worked with at my old job, but hadn't seen in almost ten years! These people not only had to recognize the last name in the obits page, but remember me and put 2 and 2 together to see that he was my father, purchase/find a card, a stamp, AND my address. There are people that I work with currently for whom I might not make that effort! As you might be able to tell, this has bothered me for the past 9 months. I really try not to dwell on it because I know all about forgiveness and everything, and it' s my responsibility to work on being able to forgive Snuffles. But it's not just about me. It's about Mom, too. Of course my mother is so nice and good that things like this don't bother her. But it's not just her. What about the other people to whom Snuffles is assigned? We have no reason to think that Snuffles is the perfect deacon to everyone on his list except for us.. although I suppose that's possible… hmm.. naw. So if this is his usual modus operandi, what if it's with someone who might be hurt enough to leave the church because of it? Or leave "THE CHURCH" because of it!? I felt compelled to talk to someone about it. First and foremost, I wanted to be assigned a different deacon – you know, give someone else a chance to disappoint me. But also, if they felt something needed to be said to Snuffles, so as to give him an opportunity to change his ways, so be it. A couple of weeks ago, I had lunch with the wife of our "head" deacon. She's a nice lady and I felt she would be someone I could talk to, and she could translate my concerns to her hubs. We had a very nice lunch. There were tears – like I'm capable of talking serious talk without them – and I felt that Mom and I would end up with new deacon(s) and that something would be said to Snuffles… and Mrs. Snuffles, because again, it's a package deal. The next Sunday, Holly and I are walking through the hallway of the church – she's got to go wee, and I have to find someone so as to pass along a message. I see Snuffles and Mrs. Snuffles coming down the hall toward me. Well, not toward me, per se, but walking towards the end of the hall in which I was. I warned Holly and before I can blink, Snuffles walks right past me. Now there was nothing in the way he walked past me that seemed like it was a "you're a bitch and I'm snubbing you" type of thing. It was just the way he's always walked right past me without speaking for the past 9 years. Mrs. Snuffles, however, sees me and comes right over to tell me that she'd talked to Mrs. "head" deacon, and she just didn't know! I mean, she and Snuffles pray for us every day! They love us! But well, if I would feel more comfortable with a new deacon they understand, but I'm to always know that if I ever need anything from them, all I have to do is call and ask! Yeah. Well.. I suppose they can keep loving us and praying for us, but I want a new deacon. Now in the spirit of full disclosure, I must admit that Snuffles was a part of the team of men that Bob (see, I knew we had a Bob) put together to help me move last November. So he does have that in his favor. However, I have a hard time weighing this against the rest of the past 9 years, especially the last 9 months, of lack of support.