My friend Shawna... she's a keeper, so she doesn't get an alias... In the past, oh, 6-9 months, I have come to notice that she has taken over my role as the person for whom the toilet paper runs out. Or more to the point, she is the person who enters the stall AFTER the person for whom the TP ran out. And THAT PERSON ALWAYS leaves the roll empty. I don't know if it's the drugs, the maturity that comes with age, or what, but I'm happy to say that this doesn't bother me any more. Shawna, Lord love her, though, is downright militant about it!
Another friend, and our HR person, Shawn ... is there something to that name?? .... also seems to be on a schedule following THAT PERSON. So of late, the two of them have been conspiring to do vile and evil things to THAT PERSON. Shawna has brought up the sad state of TP etiquette in our monthly support staff meetings twice now... it would appear that THAT PERSON either has missed these two particular meetings or isn't someone who generally attends them. Otherwise, THAT PERSON would know that her days are numbered.
A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an email... I get a daily email from this mystery book thing where they email you a chapter of a book a day for a week with the thought that by then you'll know if you're interested in getting the book either through your library or whatever. Each day's offering is introduced by the "editor" and she generally rambles on about whatever is going on in her life... like anyone cares.. wait a minute... hmmm... anyway, back to that morning's email. I generally skip the ramblings of this editor... hmm... ramblings... hmmm.. but I read them that morning. I have reprinted the germane portion here:
Dear Reader,
I had an epiphany in the bathroom the other day and it reminded me of an email I received from a book club reader years ago. I'd written a column about finding my purpose in life, and the reader wrote to share how one of her life's frustrations, had also become one of her callings in life. Every time she used a bathroom she faced an empty toilet paper roll, so she'd have to change it, and it drove her crazy. "How could people be so rude? Use the last few squares and then not replace the roll?"
Even when this woman was on vacation, touring a castle in Europe, and she had to use the bathroom--even there--she faced an empty toilet paper roll. But the TP gods shined down upon her that day and opened her eyes to the fact that everyone has assignments in this life, tasks they are expected to do to make the world run smoother, and one of her assignments was to change the toilet paper roll. She joyfully accepted her assignment that day, and now whenever she faces an empty TP roll, she cheerfully changes it. "Though I do wish folks wouldn't hide the extra rolls," she said, "sometimes I have to do a lot of digging through bathroom cupboards and vanities to find the toilet paper."
Changing the toilet paper roll--someone's calling in life? Not too glamorous you might say, but aren't you happy that when you need it, someone's made sure it's there?
The TP gods were busy again the other day handing out assignments and I was on the receiving end. When Consuelo, the woman who cleans my house, cleans the bathroom, one of the special things she does is leave behind a fancy V-fold on the end of the toilet paper roll. Strange as it may sound, it makes me feel kind of special when I see the fancy fold waiting for me--like I'm queen for a day. So the other day after Consuelo left, when I looked over at the TP roll, I decided that from now on whenever I leave a necessary room, one of my "callings" is to leave a fancy fold behind. Kind of like paying for the car behind me at the tollbooth, the next person will undoubtedly smile and feel like queen or king for a day, too.
I had an epiphany in the bathroom the other day and it reminded me of an email I received from a book club reader years ago. I'd written a column about finding my purpose in life, and the reader wrote to share how one of her life's frustrations, had also become one of her callings in life. Every time she used a bathroom she faced an empty toilet paper roll, so she'd have to change it, and it drove her crazy. "How could people be so rude? Use the last few squares and then not replace the roll?"
Even when this woman was on vacation, touring a castle in Europe, and she had to use the bathroom--even there--she faced an empty toilet paper roll. But the TP gods shined down upon her that day and opened her eyes to the fact that everyone has assignments in this life, tasks they are expected to do to make the world run smoother, and one of her assignments was to change the toilet paper roll. She joyfully accepted her assignment that day, and now whenever she faces an empty TP roll, she cheerfully changes it. "Though I do wish folks wouldn't hide the extra rolls," she said, "sometimes I have to do a lot of digging through bathroom cupboards and vanities to find the toilet paper."
Changing the toilet paper roll--someone's calling in life? Not too glamorous you might say, but aren't you happy that when you need it, someone's made sure it's there?
The TP gods were busy again the other day handing out assignments and I was on the receiving end. When Consuelo, the woman who cleans my house, cleans the bathroom, one of the special things she does is leave behind a fancy V-fold on the end of the toilet paper roll. Strange as it may sound, it makes me feel kind of special when I see the fancy fold waiting for me--like I'm queen for a day. So the other day after Consuelo left, when I looked over at the TP roll, I decided that from now on whenever I leave a necessary room, one of my "callings" is to leave a fancy fold behind. Kind of like paying for the car behind me at the tollbooth, the next person will undoubtedly smile and feel like queen or king for a day, too.
So anyway, I forwarded this email to Shawn and Shawna and both found it quite entertaining. Of late, it is not an unusual occurence to go into a stall in the ladies room and find the TP folded into a V-fold. Sometimes I even do it myself.
Shawna has a plan, though and this past week, after a particularly frustrating day, she shared her evil plot with me. She said that the next time she goes in and finds an empty roll, she's going to make off with all of the rolls of TP, so whoever THAT PERSON is will know how it feels. This of course reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine was in a ladies room somewhere and didn't notice that the stall was without TP until too late. And she asked the person in the next stall if they could "spare a square" and that person said no...which, of course, made the rest of that particular episode of the "show about nothing" all about "who can't spare a square!?"
I'm was very concerned about Shawna's evil plot, but in light of the news that Shawn gave me after work the other night, now not so much. Shawn let me in on the fact that the landlord is making the cleaning lady purchase a "cheaper" grade of TP. Now Shawn and I were both amazed that there IS, in fact, a cheaper grade of TP, but that fact aside, since it would appear that the stalls will now be stocked with wood chips, I'm thinking about just making it my policy to keep my own stash. I can see it now, me walking to the other side of the building, (because of course the ladies room is on the directly opposite side of the building from my desk - going to the restroom is the only exercise I get most days) carrying my roll of TP with me and passing one of the managing partners... you name it, I can't imagine any of them making the situation less embarassing than another... on the way.
Oh, I know! Maybe I'll just start stuffing my bra each morning with TP . By the end of the day I'd be back to normal size. That would actually be interesting to do, just to see if anyone notices and/or comments.
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