First, let me say what an honor it is to be posted on your blog. I'm published worldwide in 50+ newspapers (a la Dear Abby), but this is my first adventure into Al Gore's World Wide Web.
1) What was that music playing in that church in the gift shop across from the mummified rat and cat?
Uncle Albert (Einstein) and I were discussing music over cigars one day and he questioned whether Bach or Chopin would be better mood music for cryptologist tours. I laughed in his mustachioed face and told him the ONLY music applicable to such underground pursuits was Toccata and Fugue. He heartily agreed and on page 42, section B, subpart 2.c. of his famous relativity declared it official for EVERY church basement gift shop. The only flexibility is they are permitted to pick the key in which it's played. Since aforementioned feline and vermin were in the vicinity, it was obviously T&F in R sharp.
2) What is the meaning of those road signs with honeycombs on them?
What looks like a honeycomb on a stick is actually a windsock and tells the driver it is an area that historically is very windy (i.e. be careful so you don't blow off the road, not that you could probably do anything about it anyway, but at least you were warned).
3) Why is Molly Malone's statue showing so much cleavage?
Molly Malone is a real woman who lived in the 1700s in Dublin. She is famous for selling fruits and vegetables from a cart, and entertaining people with her singing. The statue wanted to emphasize how much property she owned, i.e., her huuuuuge tracts of land.
4) Why did England and Ireland decide to drive on the wrong side of the road when the rest of the entire world drives on the right side of the road (in both senses of the word)?
The days of taking over other countries to get their booty and bounty are over (except in Somalia and the Middle East, but that's a discussion for another day). The U.K. is stuck on an island and can't really take over any other country except France and they don't want those turkeys anyway. So, the British ingeniously became good at insuring things (you've heard of Lloyds of London, right?). They decided the best way to make money was to confound 'normal' drivers and then charge them exorbitant insurance fees knowing their home country's insurance wouldn't cover them driving over there. Dear Tom has been there, and got the shirt, although I am a professional chauffeur and bag handler.
5) Why do they not serve iced tea anywhere in the British Isles and/or Ireland?
The recipe for ice was lost in every European country during the sieges of WWII and they are still researching and perfecting it. Right now they are focusing their efforts on whiskey and beer, and both are better at 'basement' temps....no ice required. Therefore, when requesting iced tea (or iced ANYTHING), expect either a raised eyebrow (U.K.) or a snarl and a 'look down the nose' (France). BTW, don't get me started on putting ketchup on everything.....
6) Why does it seem that the only veggies served in Ireland are potatoes and cabbage?
The Irish people have two physical states....drunk or hungover. Very colorful things hurt their eyes and therefore they prefer everything to be in muted tones, including their food.
7) What's up with the mushy peas served with fish and chips (which are curiously tasty)?
Fresh peas are very bright green (see answer to #6), so they need to tone it down. The cooks are either drunk or hungover (see answer to #6) so they cook and mash the crap out of them to take out their frustrations over the bright color. To make they palatable, they add butter and a little sugar....this takes out the color, too.
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