The Scarlet Letter - TP

Exciting times continue to happen at the firm.  You will recall that not only did we have a mad woman roaming around using the ladies room but NOT replacing empty TP rolls, but we had also had our very existence threatened by the purchasing of wood chip grade TP to begin with.  Our buns wept tears of angst.   So the weekend that I was up in Indy for my doctor's appointment (more on that in another blog), I'm roaming around JoAnn's Superstore with my niece Natalie because she's going to sew me a stuffed Simon's Cat, but needed the appropriate accoutrement when I get a text from Shawn at the office advising that I'm missing all the excitement because we ran out of TP and John (the maintenance guy) went and bought CHARMIN!!  I texted her back and asked her to save me a couple of sheets!  It was very exciting times.   So last week, upon my return, I discovered that there was still Charmin in the stalls.  It was a very cushy week.  In fact, after learning that the wood chips had been restocked, I suggested that someone sneak into the men's room and switch out any remaining Charmin for wood chips, so that we, the ladies with the delicate tooshies, might hoard the remainder.  I don't know if anyone took my suggestion, but I do know that mid-week the supply of Charmin in the ladies room tripled!   By Friday of last week, things had gotten to critical mass.  Shawn posted instruction sheets (see the picture) on how to change the roll in each stall.  I think she really thought that would solve the problem.  However, later in the afternoon, I was in my favorite stall, and someone entered the other stall.  I looked at the person's shoes, in case it was someone I wanted to chat with.  I did not recognize the shoes, so I remained quiet.  Now, this was after 4:30 on a Friday, and I was hoping to nap my way through to 5:00 pm, but I think everyone was on the same schedule as I was, because all of a sudden we have Grand Central Station in there.  Shoes leaves before I see who she was and someone else goes into that stall.  I exit and take my time washing my hands because, again, I don't want to go back to work.   As I'm standing there looking at the picture in the bathroom, contemplating a career as an artist, Shawn exits the "other" stall with an empty roll of TP in her hands and a look of such forlorn sadness on her face that I truly felt sorry for her.  She says that she honestly thought the drawing she hung in the stalls would solve the problem.  I told her I was sorry.  She said she just wanted to know WHO it was.. then the light bulb goes on in Rose's head and I said, "I know who it was! … or, at least I know what shoes she is wearing!"    So the game was afoot!  Literally, since there were shoes involved.  I started roaming around the 2nd floor, figuring it was safe to assume that since it was the 2nd floor ladies room, that the culprit was a 2nd floorer.  I looked and was able to eliminate everyone on the 2nd floor, including the female attorneys, and they all wanted to know why I was checking out their footwear.  Since I'd proven their innocence, I was able explain.  Then, I headed upstairs to the 3rd floor.  As I passed the reception desk, Toone caught me and, after checking out her shoes, I stood there chatting when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the SHOES!!  Now, as this blog is read by people all over the world… or at least the continent (hi, Heather!),… and none of you know this person anyway, the name will be changed to protect the lazy.... She will forever be known in this blog as "Shoes."  (Not to be confused with "Stripper Shoes", but that's another story.)   Anyway, it was all I could do NOT to skip down the main stairway to Shawn's office to tell her the results of my investigation.  On my way back to my desk, everyone asked if my investigation was successful, and I HAD to share with them.  It has been suggested that we might want to sew up a scarlet TP a la Hester Prynne and leave it on Shoes's desk.  I'm thinking that in addition to being lazy, Shoes is also not well-endowed in the mental arena, so it would go right over her head.  Much like at the last support staff meeting when Shawna brought up the topic for the 2nd time, Shoes was sitting right beside me and Shawna's angst went right over her head that time too.