Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!!

I have recently noticed an increase in the volume of spam I receive since I got my iPhone.  Or it may be that since I check my email on the iphone, I don't check it often online, so when I do check it, the amount of spam has grown exponentially.   Either way, due to the volume, I have been able to notice a growing trend in the spam email I receive.   First, Orchard Bank really wants to give me a credit card.  Probably because they know about the great deals I'm being offered for either a) breast implants, or b) the secret to a larger penis.  Once I "improve" myself with one or both of those options, my social life will boom.  In fact, it's already started.. both eHarmony and Singlesnet are vying for my attention.  According to Singlesnet, there are already people lined up to meet me.  They may only want me for my money, though… and by money, I mean the $1,000 gift cards to Wal-Mart that I keep winning.  I mean… I won three yesterday alone!  Now, if I don't want to risk being taken by a gold-digger, I can hook up with some old classmates instead.  Per Classmates.com, more than a few of my former classmates are very eager to get reacquainted with me.  I suppose I could invite them over for dinner.  I have several coupons for free LARGE pizzas.  Meanwhile, if the Wal-Mart gift card gravy train runs dry, there are Internet Jobs out there paying $600 a day!!!  Once I get one of those jobs, I'll have a use for that FREE DELL LAPTOP or the FREE IPAD that I got for giving my opinion about whether I prefer COKE OR PEPSI!!  Well, reading all of this UPPERCASE !!!-filled emails is giving me a headache, so I probably ought to head up to Canada for CHEEP DRUGS!! and maybe take a nap.