Hi, I'm Rosemary. I'm Shallow and I'm Dense

I go see a therapist semi-irregularly.  We're supposed to be working on my food issues, but we can all see how well that is going, so no sense in pursuing that line of thought. 

As we were meandering through the initial "gettin' to know ya'!" visits, she seemed concerned that I used the word "shallow" to describe myself a couple of times.  I had to explain to her that when I use the word "shallow," I'm not meaning it in a bad way.  Basically, ...  hmm.. Like, I'm a shallow reader - in that I usually skim read, and even then, generally just "read" conversations taking place; I'm a shallow TV-watcher because I do other things while watching, play on the computer, ipad, phone, "read" a book, do puzzles, knit (although not in quite a long time); I'm a shallow listener because, well, my hearing is horrible and because I have a bunch of sparkly chickens following me around and they distract me.

I use this example to help explain it.  Anyone who has read The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, may recall that there's this green light at the end of the pier.  So, I read the book in high school and in class we're discussing the meaning of the green light.  Not only did I not know what the meaning of the green light was (for a SPOILERY explanation, see bottom of this blog), I didn't even remember there being a light, let alone what color it was.  Not sure I remembered the pier.

Ironically (and if this doesn't technically meet the definition of "irony," I don't care - deal with it or get your own blog), at one point I was an English Lit major at DePauw for all of four months (three of which was the summer between sophomore and junior years).  And it seems the main thing English Lit people are expected to be able to do is read into things.  I read an article though - about that stupid green light, now that I think of it - discussing whether Fitzgerald intended the light to mean all the deep dark stuff, or if he just wanted the light to be a color and green was his favorite and people just read all the deep dark stuff into it.

The main reason I wanted to go with English Lit was that DePauw had a class in Shakespeare, and it was so popular that you had to be an English Lit major to get into it.  Fortunately saner heads, and fate, intervened and I had to change schools and, subsequently, majors.  It's probably a good thing.  Considering how short my attention span is and how poor my reading vision is getting, even if I'd followed through with English Lit, I don't think I'd have been very successful.  What would I have done with that major?  Become a teacher?  I don't like people, so I don't see me being a good teacher.

Speaking of my vision, for several years now, I've ridiculed (in a loving way, as friends do) my best friend because she had to wear her "cheaters" in order to see her food to eat it.  (We have lunch together twice a week.)  I'd laugh at her and ask "Why do you have to see your food?  You know what it looks like!"  Karma, being a bitch, has laughed at me and now I'm wearing bifocals (which I don't mind, because the frames are purple Jimmy Choo's!), and when I have my contacts in, I have to wear cheaters.  I've noticed that sometimes I even have to wear them to see my food.  I'm pathetic.  But those of you with young healthy eyes, beware!  It sneaks up on you slowly.  Then, before you know it, you can's see your games on your iPhone and you have to buy $600 bifocals!

Ok, I'm re-reading what I've got so far, and see that I can't even maintain focus on the topic for one flippin' blog article!  Sigh.  But maybe.. is it possible that, in addition to my multi-tasking, my shallowness may be due to my self-diagnosed (don't laugh, I correctly diagnosed that my gall bladder needed to be removed!) Attention Deficit Disorder?   I feel much better now.  For a while there, I was afraid I was going to talk myself into being shallow in a bad way.  My therapist will be relieved.

Now, if you're interested in the MEANING of the green light read on.  For those, like me, who don't care, you can quit reading now.

Per SparkNotes (and where was this website when I was in high school?!  Oh, yeah... I'm old, that was pre-internet..) :  "Situated at the end of Daisy's East Egg dock and barely visible from Gatsby's West Egg lawn, the green light represents Gatsby's hopes and dreams for the future. Gatsby associates it with Daisy, and in Chapter I he reaches toward it in the darkness as a guiding light to lead him to his goal. Because Gatsby's quest for Daisy is broadly associated with the American dream, the green light also symbolizes that more generalized ideal. In Chapter IX, Nick compares the green light to how America, rising out of the ocean, must have looked to early settlers of the new nation."