Murder She Wrote

My mother tells me I should use my copious extra time to write a book.  I (semi-irregularly, as I like to put it) write this blog and since I recently resumed blogging after a "dark period," a variety of people have told me I am talented and funny, and should write a book.  My response is, “Is there money in that?”  Because I am nothing if not in it for the money.

 

Now my thoughts regarding my writing a book are as follows: 

 

A) first and foremost - - No, really, is there money in that?  I mean, I have a mortgage, a car payment and four cats that have to be kept rather expensive kibble and litter – they eat and poop a lot!  Not to mention me and mom, we eat and poop, too!  And there’s the co-pay for my therapy! While I may believe I’ve got a book of John Grisham quality in me, odds are that no one’s going to pay me in John Grisham-like quantities, at least not until after my first bestseller or two!

 

B) what if I pour my wit and soul into a book and no one likes it?  Fear of rejection – another line item on the therapy to do list;

 

C) “they” say to write what you know.  Well, I want to write a smutty murder mystery and I have yet to happen upon a dead body during my wanderings through daily life.  Now, there was a time in my glorious past when my friend Jennifer and I were toying around with the plot of a murder mystery that was a thinly-veiled expose (don't know how to get the little thingee over the last "E" there) of the law firm we worked at at the time.  As you might guess, the main character was an adorable, fun-loving, incredibly talented paralegal who happened upon the dead body of one of the attorneys in her office and, with the assistance of a hunky homicide detective, solve the mystery.  BTW, the guilty person just happened to be the thinly-veiled version of our “secretart” of the week, who we really didn’t care for.  My problem is that when I sit down and think about writing a mystery, our “plot” is what comes to mind.  I’ll have to talk to Jennifer about that.  Hmm…; and

 

D) who would we cast in the movie adaptation!?  Obviously Gerard Butler as the hunky detective.  (WITH the accent.  Duh!)  I know, cart before the horse, but these are things I must consider!

 

So I sit here, with a blank screen before me, I have difficult decisions to make.  One, who do I kill?  This is a rougher question than you might think.  I’ve worked in two big law firms for a combination of 25 years… I have encountered several really good potential murder victims over the years!  (And I'm not just talking the lawyers!  There have been both co-workers, AND clients who would make great dead bodies!)  I suppose that I don’t have to kill them all off in one book.  I really should leave fodder for the "by public demand" sequel.  Second, who did it?  Obviously not the “adorable, fun-loving, incredibly talented paralegal!”  I could resurrect that secretart character!  Hmm.. 

For the sequel, maybe our heroine and Gerard Butler will get to take a vacation, and she’ll find a dead body on the beach!!