Second Thoughts, Anyone?

Ok, I'll admit it. I've had second thoughts. Kind of like I might have after burning the only bridge that could get me home. Why? Well, I was in pain, first and foremost. Even when I wasn't in pain, I was uncomfortable. And after I got home, it felt like I was spending my entire day taking pieces of pills every 10-15 minutes, except for the 30 minutes before and after my meals. And the meals - well, they weren't exactly inspiring.

I started seeing a therapist about a month ago, ultimately to help me get through my food issues, but immediately to help me get through the fear. She's a Christian and we talked about how I have no doubt that this whole thing is a part of God's plan for me and how the fears are the devil's way of undermining my following thru. She recommended Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind and I got it and have been slowing reading it.

Since the surgery, whether due to the pain or the pain meds, my eyes have been having problems focusing, making reading difficult. So the magazines and Kindle that I took to the hospital with me remained in the suitcase. But since I've been home, and since it was painful to sit down and to get up, once I was on the potty, I stayed there for a while. The cats would come in and entertain me and after a day or two, I put my Battlefield of the Mind book in there, too.

One morning after we'd got home, I had woken (??) up in pain, and was sitting there waiting for the pain meds to kick in, and I just broke down crying because I knew this was the biggest mistake of my life and I knew that it couldn't be undone. I picked up the book and read the next page or so, and then prayed. I know, here I am on the toilet praying, but it wasn't too long before I felt tremendously better.

So here we are now, tomorrow I am two weeks post-op. And despite a horrible night (couldn't get to sleep, and what little sleep I got was very fitful - I'm weaning myself off of the pain meds and the Tylenol wasn't kicking it), I'm feeling very positive. I can't sleep on my tummy yet, which helps make the nights difficult. I have no appetite - in fact, I forgot lunch yesterday. I have yet to have a day where I get all of my protein in or drink all of my liquids.

Mom made a very perspicacious observation early on, though. She pointed out that we are intelligent beans and if we're having problems getting all of the pills/protein/liquid/calcium/vitamins, etc stuff under control, how on God's green earth do the morons do it??

As to the food, mom has been outdoing herself. When we first got home, we had enough to worry about that yes, we went with baby food. And other than the fact that the meat ALL needed salt, it was fine. Since then, mom has made (and yes, pureed) pot roast, mashed potatoes, carrots, pork chops! It has all been divine! One of my hardest parts of the meals, though, is dragging out the 2 ounces for 30 minutes! That's just crazy... even with the baby spoons. For one thing, I have to fend off Cleo for 25 of those minutes.

So yes, there have been second thoughts, but they are quickly squelched. As I'm sitting here, I know I've lost weight... frankly, my butt is feeling particularly boney of late. Today we are going to drop by my doctor's office and weigh on their scales so hopefully, we'll have good news.

A Stitch in Time

Ok, it is Saturday morning and my surgery was about 72 hours ago.

We got to the hospital about 9:45 on Wednesday after hitting a McD's drive thru so mom could have some breakfast - didn't want her getting too tired or hungry. After all she's got to take care of me!

The surgeon was ahead of schedule, so they took me in for surgery earlier than the previously set 12:45. I actually walked into the surgery room. Everybody introduced themselves and that's all I remember about that!

Next I'm having a lovely dream and someone has the audacity to wake me up.

The rest of the day was spent with them waking me up every two hours to walk, wee and breathe. Mom graciously spend the night with her baby girl because, frankly, I whined. :)

Thursday, the pain meds started helping me a lot and I was able to start taking laps around the ward. They had signs that said that 16 laps equal a mile. I knew deep in my heart that that was never happening, but I patronized them into thinking it might. I also didn't sleep as much that day and was able to broadcast an email out to my peeps to reassure everyone that I was alive. I also started "eating" my "meals" on Thursday. Of course those meals were an ounce of fluid, juice, broth, etc, and an ounce of something very soft with protein in it. I made mom go home when Natalie and Haley left for the evening. I knew that she didn't a very good night's sleep the prior night and if I was going to allow this woman drive me home the next day (although I was praying for another day - despite the cost) I knew she needed a good night's sleep.

I was pleasantly surprised to be told that they wouldn't wake me up to walk the second night, so I'm thinking I can sleep right? No, that stupid bladder of mine work me up every 2-2 1/2 hours because I had to pee and the nurse told me that if I got out of bed to wee, I had to take a lap. Suddenly I realized their evil plan to get a mile out of me just might work. Sigh.

At about 3:30, I knew that if I stayed awake for a half hour, the coverage of the royal wedding started at 4am. Back when I was 12 or so, I was at my grandmother's house when Chuck and Di got married, but I set my alarm and got up and watch the whole thing. Maybe it was because I was more of a romantic back then, or because I was younger and hadn't just had surgery, but I decided to go back to bed.

Fortunately, my ubiquitous bladder woke me up in time to see her walking down the aisle at six am. It was a lovely wedding, then I had to go for another walk.

The doctor came in and told me she was releasing me to go home. I was very scared, but after a very nice pep talk from the nurse, I was ready. So they filled me with a butt-load of drugs and we headed out.

The children were all very happy to see us back, and poor Giz tried his best to climb up on my stomach to sleep, but I think he was satisfied with sleeping on my legs.

So I'm home, my back aches and my abdomen hurts. I took my lortab last night, but am trying to get by today without very much.. so far I've only taken I dose.

I'm tired now. My email's that I've typed from my phone aren't sending. I think it is nap time.
Ciao!

T-2 Weeks

So on Wednesday of this week, Steve (Boss #1) advised me that he'd had the realization that we were "T-2 weeks" and he was getting "nervous."  I wanted to point out that he's known about this for months now and that I was the one who should be nervous, but I restrained myself and nodded soothingly.   A little bit later in the afternoon, he asked me if I knew what the "plan" was for while I was gone.  Now, I wanted to reply that MY plan was to relax on the balcony with my book, my cat, and my phone, but again, I used restraint and told him what I assumed the plan would be, as I had not officially been told the plan, in regard to who would be doing his stuff in my absence.   Steve isn't the only one getting nervous, however considering my previous emotional breakdown about a month ago (which I think was more hormone related than anything), I'm doing very well.  Even with the latest development – a .6 mm nodule was found on the chest x-ray they took during the pre-op testing at St. Vincent's last week.  Now if you Google "nodule chest x-ray," you come up with some pretty scary things, including the Big One.  Of course, I knew immediately that I could eliminate sarcoidosis, because it's never sarcoidosis.  (If you watch House, you'll understand.)  My immediate thought is to freak out, but I said a prayer and I emailed my prayer peeps and since then I've been doing good.  Even my therapist was impressed.   They've done subsequent x-rays and I am scheduled for a CT scan of my right lung for this afternoon.  Unfortunately, it's a Friday, so I have to get through a whole weekend knowing nothing.  Sigh.   But since we are T-2 weeks, I have to start doing things in preparation for the surgery.  First, I have to stop taking my vitamins.  Well, I could probably continue the vitamins and just discontinue the herbal supplements.  But the GNC vitamin pack that I take each day is expensive and I'm not just going to take the vitamins and pitch the rest.  Mental note: go buy some multivitamins.  I'll make them Flintstones chewables, since that's what I'll be taking post-op.  And I have to start practicing my breathing with my "incentive spirometer."  It sounds a lot more fun than it is.  And I'm not that sure that it sounds all that fun.  Hmm..  I'm supposed to be breathing through it 10 times at a time, four times a day.    Then there's the Bucket List.  Have I mentioned this?  When my surgery was originally scheduled, it occurred to me that there were places and things I wanted to eat before my surgery.  Not that I won't be able to eat those things after surgery, eventually, but I won't be able to just sit and eat to my heart's content.  So I made a list and my friends and family have unselfishly agreed to assist me in my endeavors.  We've been to Red Robin.  I was not overly impressed – it was good, but…  When we were up in Indy last weekend, we hit the Cheesecake Factory and it was great!.  Tonight, some friends and I are going to Los Bravos for a nice cheesey dinner with a few margaritas thrown in.  Then Jennifer and I are doing one last afternoon of Yen Ching/spa treatments next week.  The rest of the Bucket List items are things like I want mom's chicken and dumplings one more time, and her chicken and wild rice casserole, and dump cake. Sigh.  Ok, this was stupid, I'm sitting here fasting for my CT scan and writing about food.   Anyway, we are officially 12 days away, assuming the CT scan finds nothing.

Count Down to Surgery

I have returned from another trip to Indy - this time for my pre-surgery testing and nutrition class.  The Lord continues to bless us on this endeavor.  First, He got me in for my psych evaluation the same day that we went up for the informational meeting in February.  Then, when we were able to schedule the surgery, He got us a date only 51 days away, instead of the four months off that we were told to expect.    I have to interject here that I know Dad would have had some interesting things to say about ME having a psych eval… AND the fact that I passed it with flying colors.    Anyway, the trip to Indy.  We had a lovely trip up to Holly's house.  Holly and Duncan weren't there, but Tom and Natalie welcomed us with pizza.  Tom even gave up his and Holly's bed for us, so no one had to sleep on the couch.    I had to be at the hospital on Wednesday at 7:45am, so of course I got there way too early - about 7:20.  Fortunately, it all worked out.  Since I was early, they were able to get me started early and I was able to get out early.  But I get ahead of myself.  First off, they wanted blood, and a lot of it.  Unfortunately for all of us involved, I'm not an easy stick, haven't been for many years.  I get this from Dad… another thing to thank him for!  And right as the nurse was, unsuccessfully, trying for the second time, the hospital chaplain came over the loud speaker and said a prayer blessing us all for the day… which was nice… and then when a second nurse came in to try drain me, the blessing was doing its job and she got all 8 of the vials filled.  I have a lovely goose-egg sized bruise as a souvenir, but still I count it as a success!   Then I got to go do respiratory tests.  I got to breathe into odd machines and receive my first take home gift of the day, an incentive spirometer.  Fun little toy, I get to start breathing into it several times a day to start building up my lungs so as to prevent pneumonia post-op.  Since I am not the best at it and since I do not want no pneumonias, I will practice it religiously.    So then I was off to go have my patient history taken.  I know that Dr. House says that all patients lie.  So I tried to be as honest as I could.  If I lied, they were lies of omission, because I didn't remember ever having an XYZ test before… and hopefully not overly important.    Up until now, all things had been easy breezy and I entertained my escorts and a fun time was had by all.  But then I had to go to radiology.  I knew there were x-rays involved, because I'd been told not to take any of my medicines for the day until after the upper GI.  I did not, however, know what was involved with an upper GI other than there being x-rays taken.   The first part, which was swallowing some crystals and then shooting a shot of water was nauseating, but doable.  The hard part was not burping because I'd been told that if I did, I'd just have to do it again.  So we wanted to avoid that.  Then came the barium.  It was super thick and there was at least ¾'s of a cup of it.  It took a bit of prayer and deep breathing to get enough of it down.  And then she wanted me to take another shot of the crystals because she figured, rightly so, I'm sure, that I'd lost some of my bubbles.  But actually, the second shot of crystals and the water helped get some of that barium taste out of my mouth.  Personally, I think they ought to give you the crystals after the barium.    So she took pity on me and instead of making me stand on the platform and then her moving the platform to a horizontal position, she just made it horizontal and let me lay down.  But then I had to roll over in a circle to make sure my tum was completely coated.  This was not wise on the tech's part because it was all I could do NOT to hurl all that barium (remember, this was all on an empty stomach) all over the machine.   But I survived and got to poop barium for the rest of the day, but you don't want to hear about that so..  The tests were done and it was 10:30.  My next appointment was to see a doctor at 12:30 for a physical and review of test results.  I was nauseous and hungry and I had two hours to kill, but no vehicle to travel in.  My Kindle and I trotted down to the cafeteria, which did not open until 11am and I read until the cafeteria opened.  I got me some chicken tenders, which were nothing to write home about… although one could point out that I'm doing exactly that… and some breaded mushrooms, which were fabulous!!  I haven't had the surgery yet, and I'd had my bloodwork, so I stopped in the gift shop and got some cookies.   I ate and read and felt much better.  I attended my appointment with the doctor and was okayed for surgery – but again, the Lord has made travelling down this road too smooth for me to seriously consider that I wouldn't have been.   Having passed the bloodtests, Mom, Natalie, Tom and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner so I could mark another item off of my Bucket List.  My friend/co-worker Shawna waxes so eloquent about this place every time she comes back from Indy that I knew I wanted to try it just once.  And I was not disappointed.  I discovered, though, that it is not the type of place to go if you want a quick meal, but it was very good.  I had Strawberry Lemonade to drink – yummers!, a dish of bow-tie pasta in a very spicy sauce with chicken for dinner – very good and I'm seriously bummed that I had to leave my doggy box in the Burns' fridge, and then for the piece de resistance, I had the Chocolate Tuxedo Cream Cheesecake!  We all got different cheesecakes and tasted each others.  Frankly, I think Mom's Lemon Raspberry Cheesecake was the best of the four.   When we got home, Natalie and I relaxed in the hot tub and then I went to bed, having gotten up very early that day, not to mention having spent a good portion of it nauseous.   Thursday, Mom and I attended an all day class with first a nutritionist to learn about the vitamins that I'll have to take and the water I'll have to drink and the protein supplements I'll have to get in.  It was very overwhelming and we went to Max & Erma's for Tortilla Soup to recover.  Then we went back for an afternoon with the nurse – who basically read from a power point script.  Sigh..  The monotony was broken up by another nurse who had the surgery 4 years ago and she was funny and answered questions I didn't even know I had and we received a prayer and blessing by the hospital chaplain – I cried, of course.  (Hands up if you're surprised!)   Finally we hit the road for home.  The drive was uneventful and beautiful.  The cats were all pleased to have us return… except for Sophie who is still shunning me.  Sigh..   So it was a successful trip.  I'm glad it is over, because I think there was a wee bit of anxiety that for whatever reason I might not be cleared for surgery.  My bucket listing comes to mind as a possible reason!  So now we have 19 days until surgery.  I have a few items left on my bucket list.  And I have shopping to do… for vitamins, protein shakes, and baby food!  Any of the new parents out there have suggestions as to favorite baby food flavors?

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!!

I have recently noticed an increase in the volume of spam I receive since I got my iPhone.  Or it may be that since I check my email on the iphone, I don't check it often online, so when I do check it, the amount of spam has grown exponentially.   Either way, due to the volume, I have been able to notice a growing trend in the spam email I receive.   First, Orchard Bank really wants to give me a credit card.  Probably because they know about the great deals I'm being offered for either a) breast implants, or b) the secret to a larger penis.  Once I "improve" myself with one or both of those options, my social life will boom.  In fact, it's already started.. both eHarmony and Singlesnet are vying for my attention.  According to Singlesnet, there are already people lined up to meet me.  They may only want me for my money, though… and by money, I mean the $1,000 gift cards to Wal-Mart that I keep winning.  I mean… I won three yesterday alone!  Now, if I don't want to risk being taken by a gold-digger, I can hook up with some old classmates instead.  Per Classmates.com, more than a few of my former classmates are very eager to get reacquainted with me.  I suppose I could invite them over for dinner.  I have several coupons for free LARGE pizzas.  Meanwhile, if the Wal-Mart gift card gravy train runs dry, there are Internet Jobs out there paying $600 a day!!!  Once I get one of those jobs, I'll have a use for that FREE DELL LAPTOP or the FREE IPAD that I got for giving my opinion about whether I prefer COKE OR PEPSI!!  Well, reading all of this UPPERCASE !!!-filled emails is giving me a headache, so I probably ought to head up to Canada for CHEEP DRUGS!! and maybe take a nap.

The Scarlet Letter - TP

Exciting times continue to happen at the firm.  You will recall that not only did we have a mad woman roaming around using the ladies room but NOT replacing empty TP rolls, but we had also had our very existence threatened by the purchasing of wood chip grade TP to begin with.  Our buns wept tears of angst.   So the weekend that I was up in Indy for my doctor's appointment (more on that in another blog), I'm roaming around JoAnn's Superstore with my niece Natalie because she's going to sew me a stuffed Simon's Cat, but needed the appropriate accoutrement when I get a text from Shawn at the office advising that I'm missing all the excitement because we ran out of TP and John (the maintenance guy) went and bought CHARMIN!!  I texted her back and asked her to save me a couple of sheets!  It was very exciting times.   So last week, upon my return, I discovered that there was still Charmin in the stalls.  It was a very cushy week.  In fact, after learning that the wood chips had been restocked, I suggested that someone sneak into the men's room and switch out any remaining Charmin for wood chips, so that we, the ladies with the delicate tooshies, might hoard the remainder.  I don't know if anyone took my suggestion, but I do know that mid-week the supply of Charmin in the ladies room tripled!   By Friday of last week, things had gotten to critical mass.  Shawn posted instruction sheets (see the picture) on how to change the roll in each stall.  I think she really thought that would solve the problem.  However, later in the afternoon, I was in my favorite stall, and someone entered the other stall.  I looked at the person's shoes, in case it was someone I wanted to chat with.  I did not recognize the shoes, so I remained quiet.  Now, this was after 4:30 on a Friday, and I was hoping to nap my way through to 5:00 pm, but I think everyone was on the same schedule as I was, because all of a sudden we have Grand Central Station in there.  Shoes leaves before I see who she was and someone else goes into that stall.  I exit and take my time washing my hands because, again, I don't want to go back to work.   As I'm standing there looking at the picture in the bathroom, contemplating a career as an artist, Shawn exits the "other" stall with an empty roll of TP in her hands and a look of such forlorn sadness on her face that I truly felt sorry for her.  She says that she honestly thought the drawing she hung in the stalls would solve the problem.  I told her I was sorry.  She said she just wanted to know WHO it was.. then the light bulb goes on in Rose's head and I said, "I know who it was! … or, at least I know what shoes she is wearing!"    So the game was afoot!  Literally, since there were shoes involved.  I started roaming around the 2nd floor, figuring it was safe to assume that since it was the 2nd floor ladies room, that the culprit was a 2nd floorer.  I looked and was able to eliminate everyone on the 2nd floor, including the female attorneys, and they all wanted to know why I was checking out their footwear.  Since I'd proven their innocence, I was able explain.  Then, I headed upstairs to the 3rd floor.  As I passed the reception desk, Toone caught me and, after checking out her shoes, I stood there chatting when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the SHOES!!  Now, as this blog is read by people all over the world… or at least the continent (hi, Heather!),… and none of you know this person anyway, the name will be changed to protect the lazy.... She will forever be known in this blog as "Shoes."  (Not to be confused with "Stripper Shoes", but that's another story.)   Anyway, it was all I could do NOT to skip down the main stairway to Shawn's office to tell her the results of my investigation.  On my way back to my desk, everyone asked if my investigation was successful, and I HAD to share with them.  It has been suggested that we might want to sew up a scarlet TP a la Hester Prynne and leave it on Shoes's desk.  I'm thinking that in addition to being lazy, Shoes is also not well-endowed in the mental arena, so it would go right over her head.  Much like at the last support staff meeting when Shawna brought up the topic for the 2nd time, Shoes was sitting right beside me and Shawna's angst went right over her head that time too.

Super Bowl Sunday

Ok, we started the afternoon out by having lunch at Olive Garden with Alma Shufflebarger - a distant relative of Dad's. It was very enjoyable and before we knew it, we'd been there two and half hours! I wasn't sure going into the lunch because 1) I had a headache that had not even been dented by the two Exedrin I took before church (although I was able to stay awake for the sermon, which was not a blessing considering the aforementioned headache... I think a nap might have helped); B) I didn't even know this woman (but my meds have made it a lot easier to talk to strangers, so that wasn't a major concern); and lastly, because going to Olive Garden makes the odds of having nachos and other occasion-related munchies minimal.


Mom and I got home about 3pm. In time to spend a lovely winter afternoon snuggled up on the couch with my boy, reading the Sunday ads and doing the crossword puzzle, and watching the end of the Terminator. Terminator 2 came on about 4:30. I mention this only because shortly after 5, I left the living room to go to my room to watch the game and I assumed Mom would change the channel, but as of an hour later when I went in to heat up the leftover breadsticks, she was still watching it.


I am SO not a sports person. But believe it or not, I do enjoy watching the Super Bowl. In college (1988, I think), I even hosted a Super Bowl party in my dorm room. I believe the Redskins were playing someone.


I've even actually attended several football games in my life. First, in the 8th (?) grade, the band teacher forced us to attend a football game and play for the first half. I recall nothing of that game. Then in college, while at DePauw, there was nothing much to do in Greencastle on a Saturday afternoon, so my friends and I went to the games. After having the rules explained to me, I enjoyed them.


So that is it, really, post-DePauw, I've hidden my enjoyment of football and limited that to the annual watching of the Super Bowl. There's much I don't understand and frankly, just don't care about, such as which teams are playing, but I do enjoy a good game.


Of course, part of my enjoyment is the commercials. I like to have seen the commercials so I know what they're talking about tomorrow on the radio and internet.


So far my favorite commercial is the Doritos commercial with the guy apartment sitting for his friend and he lets the fish and the plant die, but brings them back to life with Doritos, then brings grandpa back to life by (I suppose) adding Doritos to his ashes! Very cute.


Either someone just used the litter box or... actually I think it was our little natural gas producer, Cleo. She just wandered in, let fly with a noxious effluvium, and then wandered out. Humpf. We don't call her Cleo Putin for nothing.


Another adorable one is for some Volkswagon car with the kid dressed up like Darth Vader, trying to use his "powers" to do a variety of things around the house.. not sure what he was trying to get the dog to do... and then the father using his keyless starter to remotely start the car and make the kid think he'd succeeded. I saw that one yesterday on the Saturday Morning show, but it was just as cute this time.


Is there another Transformers moving coming out this summer? What up with the Transformer on the screen everytime we come back from commercial?


Does anyone know if Keebler still makes those round cookies with the fudge stripes on them? I wonder if I could convince Mom to go make a cookie run...


Half time - what are the odds that Gerard Butler'll be on there and he'll have a wardrobe malfunction?


So obviously my Words With Friends playmates are not watching the game. :) What the heck is 'foveate'??


Ok, not impressed so far by the half time show... and I even like the Black-Eyed Peas. Bring back Joe and Troy. Ooh, Usher... :) Yikes, Fergie, you're flat, babes.


Ok, get the game back on so I can get up and er.. use the litter box.


Fumble!!


Ok, I have no idea what I just ate. It was in the cat candy jar... thought it was a Reese's peanut butter cup... it wasn't.


Ozzy and Bieber ... "what's a 'bieber'?" too funny!

Ok, in the first commercial we had with Eminem in it, he said that he doesn't do commercials.. Now we just saw his SECOND commercial of the evening. The world is going higgledy-piggledy!

I'm getting bored with this game and this blog. I just want Glee to come on. Me and my phone, and the boy, are going to crawl in bed and play mahjong until the game is over. Thanks for spending this Super Bowl Sunday with me.