The Glass is Half Full

After writing my posting about Jennifer and her mother’s cancer on Saturday, the next day, Sunday, after church, my parents and I went to lunch. We ate and were sitting there drinking our tea, and dad tells me that the quarterly treatments that he’s been receiving for lo’ these past 10 years or so to keep his prostate cancer at bay are no longer working – his body has become resistant to them, and his PSA level has doubled… from .1 to .2. They have an appointment with a chemo doctor on Friday to outline how to proceed – starting chemo and all that. He said eh wasn’t worried and he didn’t want me to worry, which was ironic because the sermon that morning had been about worrying – in a nutshell, Worry --> bad; Trusting Jesus --> Good. And if I had to list my top ten skills, worrying would be number 1, or at least tied for #1 with my outstanding wit and intellect!

I thought I made myself clear on Saturday when I said that my number one fear was something happening to either of my parents. I told my parents quite some time ago that they were supposed to stay healthy until I was in my 80’s and then we could all go out in a Thelma and Louise car over a cliff type of thing. Didn’t they understand? I’m going to have to deal with this? Much like an ostrich, I had found it very easy to stick my head in the ground and forget that technically, dad had cancer… it was just in a fall back position, lurking for an opportunity to spring back out and bite us on the butt!

I thought I handled it well, I only cried a few tears and we joked a little, and then parted for our homes. I basically cried the whole way. (BTW, crying would also be in my Top Ten.) But then I calmed down. I did some dishes and laundry, sat down and read the paper, worked on the puzzle and didn’t cry too much more until my mother called to see how I was. Sigh. After crying myself to sleep Sunday night, I went to work early on Monday. Don’t know why, just couldn’t sleep anymore, so I thought I’d go in and email some of my prayer peeps for some support. By noon on Monday, I had dad and our family on prayer lists in churches all over Southern Indiana and Western Kentucky! After all, mom and dad asked that I not say anything to my sisters until after the Friday appointment, but they didn’t say I couldn’t tell my peeps. :)

After talking, crying, hugging, and emailing for most of the morning, I had the epiphany that he’s not dead yet. (I know that sounds stupid, but…) I’m generally a glass is half full person with a happy disposition and positive outlook. After about 24 hours of mourning, I decided that I needed to get over it and at least wait until after the Friday appointment to see what we are looking at. I’m going with them to the appointment on Friday. Not that I don’t think they’d pass the info along, but I think it’ll help me, plus I may think of questions that they don’t even consider. Plus, this is my daddy… so if this doctor can’t fix’em, I’ll wanna know why!

That’s where I am now. I had lunch with Jennifer today, for our weekly Wednesday lunch date, and I told her. I was going to wait at least until after Friday, but when I have issues, she’s one of the main people I go to, and I needed her. There were tears, yes. :) But as she said, we can support each other thru this.